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Men are constantly being told they are too rough, don't know their own strength, or are going to victimize someone solely because they are male. After boys become men, platonic touch decreases significantly. I would watch as my dad would easily wrap his arms around my sister, kiss my mother, and even cuddle that family dog. He never beat or struck me, but he never hugged me either. What may not have been as common was the fact that, after my last spanking around the age of ten, my father did not touch me again until I was in my twenties. "As was common with those of us growing up in the 80's, I was spanked as a child. An excerpt from a male friend's writing describes it perfectly. So I've come to realize that the older men in North America are starved of touch. Older generations seem to be much less likely to touch as well. The only time platonic and positive touch is perceived as ok, is if it is with family or perhaps a very close friend. Men on the other hand, tend to feel acutely uncomfortable with platonic touch! Especially from strangers and other men.
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The point is that women tend to feel less uncomfortable when it comes to giving and receiving positive platonic touch. They will hug and cuddle their friends, family, lovers, dogs, cats, blankets, pillows, tea mugs. Women are more prone to platonic and positive physical contact then men are. Touch is only ok if it is family or intimate, but even then I have noticed that there are even differences between the genders. This was where I started to realize that North America is very much a Non-Contact Culture. I was getting hugs and kisses from strangers, my personal space invaded on the regular, and it was the first time I had seen men that hugged and clung to each other who were not lovers, but just friends. They are what you would consider a Contact Culture, so platonic and positive touch is part of their everyday lives. Now I've grown to enjoy physical contact as a means of connecting with people in a nonverbal way. And I literally gave others positive platonic touch everyday! In fact, it took another 3 years to train myself not to flinch or get uncomfortable with touch as an expression of platonic love. Brush my hair out, and give me random hugs all the time. I would be standing around and out of now where my fellow colleges would start to massage my head or shoulders. It is their job!Īnd as I began working with other massage therapists, they had no qualms about touching me, and it started to get really uncomfortable. In general most massage therapists are comfortable with platonic touch. This is where my touching limits started to come into view. Then I became a massage therapist and started touching professionally. I grew up in a cuddly family and hugs and kisses were a natural part of life. Handshakes, hugs, and backslaps for our friends.Īnd if we have to touch someone we don't know, a nice strong and formal handshake shows we are happy to connect, but at a distance. In fact, humans need touch as a way of social interaction and connection.Īnd it is easy to touch our loved ones. We touch ourselves, our pets, our loved ones, and friends. It is something that we do every day in varying amounts.